I don't know if this thing has been posted here before. But it sure fits this topic.
Metal Cliché's
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HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon,
drinks some beers and fucks the princess
GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable
for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and
fucks her... easy and quick
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions,
violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls
asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy
axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the
castle and burns the place before he leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and
kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in the front of the castle...then sodomizes the princess, drinks
her blood in a ritual before killing her...then he impales the
deflowered princess
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the
front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her...then he
fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts,
fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it
for the last time
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that
he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide...the
dragon eats his body and the princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26
minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist
arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the
techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the
princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance
and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to
paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
MELODIC DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives and shouts a bunch of random stuff that might not have made sense even before it was translated from Swedish into English, then plays a guitar solo stolen from 1984 while Iron Maiden and Van halen weren't looking. The dragon is stomped to death by twenty-three black-shirted hardcore kids running in circles and kung-fu-kicking. The protagonist and the princess go off and pour gargantuan quantities of Carlsberg down their throats; they might fuck, but nobody is sober enough to remember anything.
GOTHIC METAL (OLD SCHOOL):
The protagonist arrives and smokes a bowl with the dragon. After that, he suggests they doubleteam the princess. Halfway through, an emaciated, sleazy, heroin-addict version of Jesus shows up, and they all have a sullen yet erotic bisexual S&M four-way.
BLACK METAL (OLD SCHOOL):
The protagonist arrives and asks the dragon if he wants to go burn down some churches. They go burning, and while the dragon is distracted, he stabs it in the back of the head 26 times. Some other scenesters come by and they go out to kick over gravestones, forgetting all about the princess.
