The Word of ED!
Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 10:10 pmBecause the world has too many stupid people, and I feel strongly about many things (not too mention a mild case of megalomania) I created a religion.
It is both my creation, and my creator in one. ED!sm
Rejuvinating the Spirit: The Word of ED!
Finding ED! in this bleak world of hate and tyranny (and really bad pop music.)
In this world of religious confusion and turmoil, it can be hard to find faith in nebulous ‘Gods’ and ‘Deities’. After all, who is right?
Mormons, Catholics, Jehovas Witnesses, Protestants, Muslims...they all preach the one true way, and denounce the others as false. Blood is shed in the name of their ‘God’ (who, often is the SAME being). Strange and seemingly stupidly arbitrary rules are handed down through the generations from a time when bathing was seen as unholy, and literacy was a virtual crime. Other religions tend to be racially or geographically biased, or are just plain creepy (I'm looking at you Scientology.)
Most of these religions encourage marriage (an out-dated mode of thought), abstinence (like THAT'S any fun) and blind acceptance (welcome to the twenty first century Neanderthals). They decry the most basic of necessities, claiming that acts such as masturbation (the only relief for youths and many adults) and abortion are sins, or claim that not believing in ‘The One True Way’ (which of course only they can show you) is the ultimate sin. Most importantly, is that they generally try to answer certain questions and tell you WHY you must do certain things, ie, going to hell, or heaven.
Well, in this day and age an alternative is offered. The way of ED!
ED! Offers a path that appeals to the modern youth, one of a strict combination of discipline and laziness, intellectualism and spirituality, morals and humour, one that may be the only hope of Mankind (atleast those worth saving).
In the beginning there was no ED! But then there was...and it was goooooood.
ED! Grew up to challenge the ways of the religions, teaching a way that required only questioning what you are taught, enjoying life to its fullest and being smarter than other people, while maintaining a strict morality.
These are the 'Commandments' of ED!
1: Think for yourself, because otherwise someone stupid will do it for you.
2: There is right and wrong, do what is right, because if the intelligent won't, then who will?
3: Live life to it’s fullest, because you only get one chance at it.
4: Stupidity is a disease, burn it out when encountered.
5: Have sex, masturbate and watch porn at will, (but nothing involving children, animals, or those incapable of understanding what’s going on).
6: Do NOT swallow the corporate cock. Do what is right, artistically and morally.
7: Do NOT breed, there’s enough fucking humans already.
8: Do not be close-minded, in all things there is beauty (except freaky shit like scat porn and Mimes).
9: Do not fuck really stupid people.
10: Make your mark, be remembered….
11: Go out with a bang.
12: You only have one body, keep it strong (holes and pictures and so on are perfectly acceptable ways of decorating your epidermal canvas.)
13: Do not be afraid to expand your mind in various ways, but do so with care and moderation.
Are you worried that perhaps you are not intelligent, or strong-willed enough to be a follower of ED!? Worry not, even for the un-worthy ED! has a plan. Go out and buy a Britney Spears album…and lots, and lots of her merchandise. Purchase a high powered firearm, and plenty of bullets, and a bottle of whiskey (something truly throat-burning).
A suitable amount of alcohol and Britney should provoke in you an indignant reaction, if so, put that firearm to use and take many stupid people down. If instead it induces in you the urge to dance and be happy, put that firearm to use and end your miserable excuse of a shit-life. Also, if you are a mime, then move directly to the high velocity lead dinner step.
Now, here’s a little story for you to understand how ED! changes lives. (Sometimes even for the better.)
‘Mike’ was a young man, confused and lost. Ashamed of masturbation and the natural urges that come with being a young man, he was shy and introverted, even frightened. Day to day, he lived in a tortured hell of guilt, shame and bad music.
You see, ‘Mike’ liked Linkin Park and Slipknot, for he thought these ‘dark and evil’ bands were the only way to express the shame inside. That is until ‘Mike’ heard the words of ED! Those words were “what the fuck kind of lame ass shit are you listening too? This stuff is fucking raping my ears and then performing Scatalogical acts upon my frontal lobes!â€Â
Like many young men, ‘Mike’ was resentful and explained in a pouting kind of way, that he (ED!) did not understand.
ED! explained quite calmly, that he (ED!) did in fact understand and could help the young man change his life for the better.
Lo, and did ED! introduce ‘Mike’ to good music, and ‘Mike’ discovered the greatness that is the Strapping Young Lad, the Emperor and the Smalls, each chosen messengers of the message of ED! Soon ‘Mike’ began to hear the words of ED! in other musics, and he was confused, for did not ED! exalt the METAL above all else?
It was not so, explained ED! for the Word could be found anywhere those who followed ED!s ways were to be found. From the soulful twanging of Country, to the angry spitting of Hip-Hop, ED!s Word lurked. In time, ‘Mike’ came to understand that even those who had never heard the Word of ED! could live the right life. This my friends is the greatest epiphany of them all, for ED! potentially can be found anywhere…
These days ‘Mike’ spreads the Word of ED! to anyone who will listen; he masturbates, fornicates and watches porn frequently, but above all else my friends, he is no longer ashamed or guilt-ridden.
THAT Is what the Word of ED! can do for YOU!
ED! does not ask that you pray to him, for every time you act intelligently, or deride stupidity, then you are performing acts of holiness. ED! does not feel that he needs to answer your questions, for you are good enough to think for yourself. ED! does not want your money, he expects you to spend it on yourself, he does not want you to wage war for anything other than your own personal freedom, he does not want you to hate others for their religion, ethnicity or sexuality (there are many, many better reasons for hating people). ED! wants you to live and learn, to enjoy your moments, to cherish the good and learn from the bad, but above all, ED! wants you to be happy with yourself.
That is why ED! fucking rules.
ED! Is not merely a male personification of awesome, he is actually a, they. ED! and DE! Are equal counterparts that represent the ideals of Equality and Duality, the sacred balance between male and female, night and day, life and death, etc.
DE! (pronounced Dee) is the more subtle and gentle aspect of ED!sm, a feminine balance to the aggressive contempt of the masculine force. She offers a softer, yet often more insightful perspective on many of the issues facing todays intelligent human being. Ideally she is the representation of the Divine Feminine, the bringer of life, the spiritual guide and a balance to ED!s caustic rage and scathing contempt.
The balance is a necessity, and anyone with a quarter of a brain can see that everywhere, in every aspect of reality. (Oh and to the smart asses who jump up with it's a triple-entity/universe I say: So? Then adjust ED!sm to be a trinity for yourself.)
It is here that I must admit my ignorance. I’m not a woman, and while I have nothing but respect and admiration for the feminine balance, I would prefer to have a female help me write and define the aspects and personalities of DE! In order to make it work right, and in retrospect, that sentence looks kinda creepy, but I'm going to leave it like that anyways. But I'm not a stalker, I am faaaar too lazy for that.
Thus I offer the following two things:
Website: http://s3.phpbbforfree.com/forums/mcmusic-forum-9.html
E-mail: equalitas_dualis@yahoo.ca
Any intelligent and creative human beings who wish to help craft the best damn religion, is more than welcome to drop me a line with ideas or thoughts.
Also, hatemail, and obscene messages are also accepted. But remember, this is as much serious intent and ideals, as it is satire and parody.
It is both my creation, and my creator in one. ED!sm
Rejuvinating the Spirit: The Word of ED!
Finding ED! in this bleak world of hate and tyranny (and really bad pop music.)
In this world of religious confusion and turmoil, it can be hard to find faith in nebulous ‘Gods’ and ‘Deities’. After all, who is right?
Mormons, Catholics, Jehovas Witnesses, Protestants, Muslims...they all preach the one true way, and denounce the others as false. Blood is shed in the name of their ‘God’ (who, often is the SAME being). Strange and seemingly stupidly arbitrary rules are handed down through the generations from a time when bathing was seen as unholy, and literacy was a virtual crime. Other religions tend to be racially or geographically biased, or are just plain creepy (I'm looking at you Scientology.)
Most of these religions encourage marriage (an out-dated mode of thought), abstinence (like THAT'S any fun) and blind acceptance (welcome to the twenty first century Neanderthals). They decry the most basic of necessities, claiming that acts such as masturbation (the only relief for youths and many adults) and abortion are sins, or claim that not believing in ‘The One True Way’ (which of course only they can show you) is the ultimate sin. Most importantly, is that they generally try to answer certain questions and tell you WHY you must do certain things, ie, going to hell, or heaven.
Well, in this day and age an alternative is offered. The way of ED!
ED! Offers a path that appeals to the modern youth, one of a strict combination of discipline and laziness, intellectualism and spirituality, morals and humour, one that may be the only hope of Mankind (atleast those worth saving).
In the beginning there was no ED! But then there was...and it was goooooood.
ED! Grew up to challenge the ways of the religions, teaching a way that required only questioning what you are taught, enjoying life to its fullest and being smarter than other people, while maintaining a strict morality.
These are the 'Commandments' of ED!
1: Think for yourself, because otherwise someone stupid will do it for you.
2: There is right and wrong, do what is right, because if the intelligent won't, then who will?
3: Live life to it’s fullest, because you only get one chance at it.
4: Stupidity is a disease, burn it out when encountered.
5: Have sex, masturbate and watch porn at will, (but nothing involving children, animals, or those incapable of understanding what’s going on).
6: Do NOT swallow the corporate cock. Do what is right, artistically and morally.
7: Do NOT breed, there’s enough fucking humans already.
8: Do not be close-minded, in all things there is beauty (except freaky shit like scat porn and Mimes).
9: Do not fuck really stupid people.
10: Make your mark, be remembered….
11: Go out with a bang.
12: You only have one body, keep it strong (holes and pictures and so on are perfectly acceptable ways of decorating your epidermal canvas.)
13: Do not be afraid to expand your mind in various ways, but do so with care and moderation.
Are you worried that perhaps you are not intelligent, or strong-willed enough to be a follower of ED!? Worry not, even for the un-worthy ED! has a plan. Go out and buy a Britney Spears album…and lots, and lots of her merchandise. Purchase a high powered firearm, and plenty of bullets, and a bottle of whiskey (something truly throat-burning).
A suitable amount of alcohol and Britney should provoke in you an indignant reaction, if so, put that firearm to use and take many stupid people down. If instead it induces in you the urge to dance and be happy, put that firearm to use and end your miserable excuse of a shit-life. Also, if you are a mime, then move directly to the high velocity lead dinner step.
Now, here’s a little story for you to understand how ED! changes lives. (Sometimes even for the better.)
‘Mike’ was a young man, confused and lost. Ashamed of masturbation and the natural urges that come with being a young man, he was shy and introverted, even frightened. Day to day, he lived in a tortured hell of guilt, shame and bad music.
You see, ‘Mike’ liked Linkin Park and Slipknot, for he thought these ‘dark and evil’ bands were the only way to express the shame inside. That is until ‘Mike’ heard the words of ED! Those words were “what the fuck kind of lame ass shit are you listening too? This stuff is fucking raping my ears and then performing Scatalogical acts upon my frontal lobes!â€Â
Like many young men, ‘Mike’ was resentful and explained in a pouting kind of way, that he (ED!) did not understand.
ED! explained quite calmly, that he (ED!) did in fact understand and could help the young man change his life for the better.
Lo, and did ED! introduce ‘Mike’ to good music, and ‘Mike’ discovered the greatness that is the Strapping Young Lad, the Emperor and the Smalls, each chosen messengers of the message of ED! Soon ‘Mike’ began to hear the words of ED! in other musics, and he was confused, for did not ED! exalt the METAL above all else?
It was not so, explained ED! for the Word could be found anywhere those who followed ED!s ways were to be found. From the soulful twanging of Country, to the angry spitting of Hip-Hop, ED!s Word lurked. In time, ‘Mike’ came to understand that even those who had never heard the Word of ED! could live the right life. This my friends is the greatest epiphany of them all, for ED! potentially can be found anywhere…
These days ‘Mike’ spreads the Word of ED! to anyone who will listen; he masturbates, fornicates and watches porn frequently, but above all else my friends, he is no longer ashamed or guilt-ridden.
THAT Is what the Word of ED! can do for YOU!
ED! does not ask that you pray to him, for every time you act intelligently, or deride stupidity, then you are performing acts of holiness. ED! does not feel that he needs to answer your questions, for you are good enough to think for yourself. ED! does not want your money, he expects you to spend it on yourself, he does not want you to wage war for anything other than your own personal freedom, he does not want you to hate others for their religion, ethnicity or sexuality (there are many, many better reasons for hating people). ED! wants you to live and learn, to enjoy your moments, to cherish the good and learn from the bad, but above all, ED! wants you to be happy with yourself.
That is why ED! fucking rules.
ED! Is not merely a male personification of awesome, he is actually a, they. ED! and DE! Are equal counterparts that represent the ideals of Equality and Duality, the sacred balance between male and female, night and day, life and death, etc.
DE! (pronounced Dee) is the more subtle and gentle aspect of ED!sm, a feminine balance to the aggressive contempt of the masculine force. She offers a softer, yet often more insightful perspective on many of the issues facing todays intelligent human being. Ideally she is the representation of the Divine Feminine, the bringer of life, the spiritual guide and a balance to ED!s caustic rage and scathing contempt.
The balance is a necessity, and anyone with a quarter of a brain can see that everywhere, in every aspect of reality. (Oh and to the smart asses who jump up with it's a triple-entity/universe I say: So? Then adjust ED!sm to be a trinity for yourself.)
It is here that I must admit my ignorance. I’m not a woman, and while I have nothing but respect and admiration for the feminine balance, I would prefer to have a female help me write and define the aspects and personalities of DE! In order to make it work right, and in retrospect, that sentence looks kinda creepy, but I'm going to leave it like that anyways. But I'm not a stalker, I am faaaar too lazy for that.
Thus I offer the following two things:
Website: http://s3.phpbbforfree.com/forums/mcmusic-forum-9.html
E-mail: equalitas_dualis@yahoo.ca
Any intelligent and creative human beings who wish to help craft the best damn religion, is more than welcome to drop me a line with ideas or thoughts.
Also, hatemail, and obscene messages are also accepted. But remember, this is as much serious intent and ideals, as it is satire and parody.
This is a paradox, because the only way I can stay true to the spirit of ED! (think for myself) is to defy ED! (not take what ED! says for granted and choose the other option). If someone says "think for yourself" and you say "OK, I will, yes, that's what I gotta do, thanks for putting me in the right direction", you fail the inaugural step.
